She Will Tell You

She will tell you those with the most of broken hearts… Some days she’ll step back and analyze an unusually usual atmosphere. The mall on a Friday night. Stores are buzzing with business, shoe prints clattering an uneven rhythm, and hums of all voice frequencies mashed into the air. Unlike them, she is looking in from the out. No one beside her to join in the disheveled orchestra of sounds and mumbles. She watches as civil crowds walk through and around strangers. Sometimes exchanging an occasional ‘excuse me’ or ‘sorry’. Friends and families alike exchange kind words, warm sentiments and humrous jokes. Allowing their relationships to morph into something a little more meaningful. They exchange compliments, blunders, accomplishments and funny stories. Growing familiarities between one another as more and more words are produced. Groups pass by; some with smiles open, shut and strange. Creating eccentric inside jokes, that only those with their specific bond can relate. So she walks some more, no very long, but enough to know. To know people are genuinely happy to be themselves. Furthermore to be accepted. To walk side by side and see the good and the ugly, the improving or declining  status of their relationship. Their hot and squirming bodies, exhaling slang and clique approved lingo that keeps their peers interested. So she takes a step back, metaphorically of course, since she’s walking forward still. Are the consistencies of their conversations what they actually care and are interested in? Are they keeping the interest of the other party, seeking approval, desperately?  How does she know when hospitality, welcoming gestures,  and manners end and when truly accepting,  unconditional, carefree friendship and love begin? It is rather a fluid concept she thinks. It is rather a hard line to define. So she keeps watching hands on slouched shoulders, loose grips holding onto arms, and grazing touches sweeping the small of their loved one’s lower backs. All to give a light and reassuring touch. Using bodies to convey what oral language may leave out. So she walks to notice not all here are with another. Some prefer the solitude. No deep conversations, no intimate touches or contact. Just the superficial ‘I’m good, thank you’.  While others didn’t choose, but settled for the silence.  She walks to the end where all objectivity dissipates and reality slithers in  like a cold,  deceiving serpent. All these words, gestures, smiles, jokes, mannerisms and cultures surround her, more like suffocate her. She sees but does not partake in. Why you ask her? She, unlike the crowd, sees it all. How beautiful it all can be, and how sad some people end up. Through the looking glass, it’s a  strange and an unparalleled view, but she finds it tantalizing and energizing. She took her time walking to to her destination, to a familiar place because to her familiarity is boring and repetitive. Familiarity is strong feeling, that’s  what keeps people coming back.  So strong, that is why  majority of people fear the the opposite of it- “change”. She enjoys the change, seeing, feeling and watching new things. No matter where she goes, she can experience all of the same things just from different crowds. Which to her, she then discovers, this is her familiarity, looking from the outside.

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